I came upon an interesting article by Carol Harvey in the May 27, 2025 edition of the Press Democrat (Sonoma County, California) called, “Close to Home: Being single need not mean aging alone.” The article focused on the plight of single older women, but perhaps applies to all of us in our “golden years.”

The author’s main point is that it is very dangerous to be lonely. My opinion is that it is not only dangerous, it isn’t much fun. She describes her experience of being involved in a small group called WREN, Women’s Resource and Empowerment Network. What she describes is a group of widowed, divorced and unpartnered women over 50 years old. I think their ideas could, and probably should, but extended to everyone fitting that general description – both men and women. As the Baby Boomers age there are more and more folks meeting this criteria, and less and less availability of public support for this group of individuals. The group isn’t limited to those that are somehow physically compromised, but instead includes those that find themselves in an isolated island having to depend upon themselves for most everything – without the support of family or friends. I also think it is much larger than just single persons, my guess is that many aging couples could use support from outside of the two of them trying to manage together. I think is should perhaps be more like, “REN” (Resource and Empowerment Network) or something to signify a much broader network than just women.

The idea of this group is to purposefully create a group of individuals, probably strangers to begin with because the lack of a group of friends is the source of the problem. It might just be random neighbors. People join together by making an offer to support and assist each other – providing a kind of built-in permission to ask each other for favors without imposing upon friends and family. There is no worry about imposing, and no expectations of not being able to assist when we can’t. The request becomes as simple as “I need assistance doing ….., is there someone who can help?” There are no expectations or obligations for offering or receiving assistance. That is the deal, and that is the end of it.

I find this idea of offering assistance without strings being attached is similar to my years working as part of a volunteer fire department. When someone needs help they call 911, we show up as a support team, freely giving our time and potentially exposing ourselves to great risks just because we want to do that. If we come and help you with whatever emergency you have, that is done once we are done. You owe us nothing, not even a “thank you.” Our service is free to you, we get nothing physical in return, but we all enjoy the opportunity to help and be of assistance. Since I was a volunteer there were many times that I wasn’t available to assist, but the group of firemen is large enough that it was very rare that we couldn’t respond – in which case someone else would show up because we were part of a much larger network of responders.

Ms Harvey provided a list of ideas to help create this kind of informal, people based, support group:

• Invite people from across various social circles. Start small – four to eight people.
• Focus on creating a new community, not reframing existing friendships. Work out some of the kinks, then invite new members over time.
• Plan events such as potlucks to get acquainted. Have business meetings once or twice a year (more in the beginning) to discuss what’s working and what could be improved upon.
• Create a structure for decision-making and managing administrative tasks. Be proactive; aim for consensus and clarity.

Personally, I think there should be more meetings that once or twice a year – I think every month or six weeks is a better frequency. I have a group of neighbors that sometimes have “pop up” potlucks on the spur of the moment. We all live “in the country” miles from stores, so the fun of it is to bring whatever you might have to offer without having to make a trip to the store! This works by someone in group feeling a need for a bit of social, then “calling” for a pot luck that day. Those that can make it do, and they bring whatever they might have to share – sometimes resulting in interesting meals. We don’t quite meet the requirements for a PEN because we are a group of friends, meaning that it is someone an imposition to ask for assistance. We all try to help each other when there is a need, but someone has to recognize the need first – it is somehow socially incorrect to request assistance. The assistance might be just stopping by once in awhile to chat, or maybe bring a meal when someone is ill, or give a ride to the doctor. The group might want to determine the bounds of the volunteer service.

I think there are many possible advantages with forming a group such as this beyond just having a source of mutual assistance when needed. It could form the background for true community building across a broader community – perhaps bringing people together who would normally never come into contact with each other (which is one of the benefits of the volunteer fire department – it is community based rather than social group based). Having a community to assist each other would be great, but it would be even better to bring together normally disparate groups – perhaps opening conversations and mutual understandings that would otherwise not occur.

I live on a cul-de-sac with perhaps 40 houses. I wonder what would happen if I were to knock on doors to invite a few folks to join a thing like that. I see many of the people, drive by, or walking their dogs, but that is about the end of our contact. I often have time to be of assistance, and now and then could use some help. I wonder how many, if any at all, would be interested in doing such a thing. I know that many of us retired “oldsters” are watching the world conditions today, asking ourselves “what can I do to help this?” Perhaps it is just as simple as finding ways to meet and help each other a few at a time.